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Apathy. That is the disease I suffer from currently and although I am lucky, I definitely am, I am toast with being an Emergency Room RN. I am through with getting spit on, smacked, cussed at and treated like dirt by the self entitled masses that enter through the front lobby doors. My patient last week had a loaded Glock sitting between his legs. Another patient spit in my face earlier this month--oh, did I mention he has AIDS? oh, AND TB? oh, and THE POOREST DENTAL HYGIENE on the face of this Earth, my biggest worry was developing a staph infection in my eyeballs. The patient across from Mr. Aids had a Swastika on his chest --not a small one, one the size of a dinner plate---he was wearing "White Power" rings and when I woke him up to get him discharged, he told me to "fuck off." I had to round up all of the men in the department and then physically push him into a wheelchair to get him out the door. My work record for being called a "c*nt" is 6 minutes. YES, in SIX minutes into a 12 hour shift, a meth head called me a "c*nt" , however this is not a surprise, it actually happens almost every shift I work, the 6 minutes into the shift was the new record. This job continually bombards me with these insults, physical assaults, psychological insults.. it slowly created a once altruistic, empathic woman into one that is cynical, untrusting and apathetic---I'm toast. Sooo...... a life reset is in order........

Funk

Okay so its been awhile, I don't write much, but I think ALOT too much in fact, THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK---and give myself headaches--- we finished up another gun show last weekend and was dissapointed to say the least.... the vendors seem happy, despite a few bad apples that have honestly ALWAYS been a pain in the ass (bouncing checks, lots and lots and lots of complaining and neediness, etc...) and honestly I'm glad to see those few leave so we can focus on vendors that really create a great show for themselves and for us... A good friend told me "you can bring the people to them, but you can't sell their product" --- and he is right...if we weren't trying so hard to make it work, it probably wouldn't sting as much when someone complains or cusses us out... i've developed a pretty thick skin but I am still mistified by how absolutely cruel people can be to each other---