Reset Button

Apathy. That is the disease I suffer from currently and although I am lucky, I definitely am, I am toast with being an Emergency Room RN. I am through with getting spit on, smacked, cussed at and treated like dirt by the self entitled masses that enter through the front lobby doors. My patient last week had a loaded Glock sitting between his legs. Another patient spit in my face earlier this month--oh, did I mention he has AIDS? oh, AND TB? oh, and THE POOREST DENTAL HYGIENE on the face of this Earth, my biggest worry was developing a staph infection in my eyeballs. The patient across from Mr. Aids had a Swastika on his chest --not a small one, one the size of a dinner plate---he was wearing "White Power" rings and when I woke him up to get him discharged, he told me to "fuck off." I had to round up all of the men in the department and then physically push him into a wheelchair to get him out the door. My work record for being called a "c*nt" is 6 minutes. YES, in SIX minutes into a 12 hour shift, a meth head called me a "c*nt" , however this is not a surprise, it actually happens almost every shift I work, the 6 minutes into the shift was the new record. This job continually bombards me with these insults, physical assaults, psychological insults.. it slowly created a once altruistic, empathic woman into one that is cynical, untrusting and apathetic---I'm toast. Sooo...... a life reset is in order........

Funk

Okay so its been awhile, I don't write much, but I think ALOT too much in fact, THINK THINK THINK THINK THINK---and give myself headaches--- we finished up another gun show last weekend and was dissapointed to say the least.... the vendors seem happy, despite a few bad apples that have honestly ALWAYS been a pain in the ass (bouncing checks, lots and lots and lots of complaining and neediness, etc...) and honestly I'm glad to see those few leave so we can focus on vendors that really create a great show for themselves and for us... A good friend told me "you can bring the people to them, but you can't sell their product" --- and he is right...if we weren't trying so hard to make it work, it probably wouldn't sting as much when someone complains or cusses us out... i've developed a pretty thick skin but I am still mistified by how absolutely cruel people can be to each other---

Money for Nothing

Bloated. Tired. Miserable. Yeah, the monthly beast brings about these discomforts, but this work schedule is doing it for me. I tend to think this lifestyle is accelerating my age and as I work at a furious pace, I vainly attempt to drag myself out of a sink hole that is slowly swallowing me up. I'm failing. My life is passing before me and I waste another beautiful day clocking in at a horrible job where the people I am intending to "serve" hate me as much as I hate them---their pitiful lives contribute nothing to the rest of us, they only choose to suck away our resources, while we, federally mandated, pay our hard earned income on programs that support their wasted existence.

This "blogging" thing

There are terms in the American English language that just wear me out... words that I don't like to repeat because they are so often overused it embarrasses me to use them, for fear that I have become "one of them" one of the "trendy people." One of those words, is "blog." How incredibly annoying. Another word is "hella," a word I have heard quite often working out in Northern California.. I especially go crazy when people say it that aren't from the region (they're just trying to be cool). I refuse to say that word in type (the b word) from here on out, even if it happens to be posted all over this page, and on its URL.

By no means do I expect anyone to read this pile of drivel, but I started this "Online Journal" --because I'm a thinker. My head is filled with tons of ideas, but often I can't verbally express these thoughts, so putting them down in type may help me execute them easier. Along the way, you might become inspired and develop ideas from my ideas!